Encouraging the Unemployed
by Constance B. Fink © 2002
Unemployment affects everyone one way or another. Even though you may not have
personally heard the words “Your services are no longer needed” or “The company is
downsizing” or “You’re fired,” you know someone who has heard them. It may be
your spouse, your son or daughter, your parent. It may be your neighbor, someone in
your church, your friend, or your co-worker in the next cubicle.
The impact of one pink slip reaches far beyond the individual. The spouse, who has not
been involved in the working world and its ever-changing skills, may feel unprepared to
look for a job. Children may be required to compromise activities or other things due
to budget constraints. Friends from the workplace feel emptiness because a daily
relationship has been abruptly snatched away. The church and neighborhood wonder if
the family will have to move to take another job.
Unexpected job loss. In many ways, it is like coping with death. Similar emotions are
experienced—shock, anger, sadness, guilt, grief. The jobless person may feel betrayed
or abandoned by his employer and everyone else, including God. An experience like
this – a time of loss and transition – is a vulnerable time. Your friend will remember
who stood near and who turned away. What are some ways to show you care? How
can you show that you have not rejected him and will not abandon him? What do you
say? What should you not say? The following observations are based on my
personal experience from a two-year period of my husband’s unemployment.
DON’T keep asking, “Have you found anything yet?”
DO engage him in conversation about other areas of his life – his hobbies, interests,
and relationships.
When dealing with a major loss, it is easy to withdraw from everything and everyone. It
is true that, in losing one’s job, a big part of life abruptly stopped. One must allow time
to grieve. However, when one area of life is lost, the other areas play an important role
in keeping one motivated and energized. Look for opportunities to help him keep
connected to the other areas of his life.
DON’T forget the spouse of the person who lost the job. Don’t keep asking the
wife, “How is your husband doing?”
DO give opportunity for the wife to express how she is feeling. Give her time apart
from her spouse. Take her out for lunch. Invite her over to your house for coffee.
Encourage her to share her personal fears, concerns, and needs.
Oftentimes the details of adjusting to unemployment (insurance options, unemployment
benefits, financial adjustment) and looking for a new job (searches, phone calls,
resumes, interviews) consume much of the couple’s conversation and time. As
opportunities open and close, the accompanying emotions of hope and disappointment
feel like a roller coaster ride. The hope of a possibility, then the let down when it does
work out. Trying to remain emotionally stable and spiritually focused are additional
stresses not only on the individual but also on the marriage. It is important for each to
have an encourager, a sounding board, someone to walk with them to help regain their
perspective as needed. Individual expression is vital for the health of the marriage.
Look for ways to provide opportunities for expression.
DON’T give advice. Don’t say, “You may have to take just any job. Anything would
be better than nothing.”
DO give encouragement. Remind them of their strengths and their contribution to
your life.
The jobless person has a measure of shame and embarrassment. Be careful not to rub
salt in an already painful wound. Think before you speak and check your comments to
be sure they are not laden with guilt or humiliation. Even though your motive may be to
prompt ideas for options, insensitive advice often adds pain. And, as a result, as a way
of protection, the unemployed person will begin to share less with you. Instead, keep
the door of communication open. Unless he asks you for advice, don’t give it. Give him
time to reassess his strengths, abilities, and skills. This unexpected turn in his life may
be part of God’s plan to redirect him. It is hard to see your friend struggle through a
situation like this. Naturally, you want to do all you can to get him through it as quickly
as possible. But be patient with him and with God.
DON’T push him. Don’t force him to be where you think he should be or to do what
you think he should be doing. Don’t say, “I’ll pick you up at 8:00 tomorrow morning to
drive you to the unemployment office.”
DO offer support. “I am praying about your job interview next week. If you would
like someone to go with you, I am willing to tag along.”
Each person deals with the loss of a job in different ways, depending on their
backgrounds, their emotional foundation, spiritual perspective, physical health, and
other stressors occurring in their life at the time of the job loss. Be very careful not to
expect him to respond the way you would, or did, in a similar situation. Rather, meet
him where he is and walk with him on his path.
DON’T expect the unemployed to accept invitations where he will need to spend
money.
DO include him and treat him.
Unemployment often causes a person to become very practical, only buying
necessities. Small things, once enjoyed regularly and possibly taken for granted, are
now special treats – ice cream, a movie, out to eat, a batch of homemade cookies, or
pizza delivered to their home. Look for opportunities to give something simply for
enjoyment.
DON’T think that all his time must be spent looking for a job.
DO encourage him to play.
Sometimes the unemployed person feels guilty if he takes time to play. He may think
that each minute away from the job search is lost time. But, on the contrary, time away,
especially a physical activity in the fresh air and sunlight, is healthy not only for the body
but for the mind and heart. Invite him on bike rides and walks. Offer to help him with
yard work. In physical exercise, specific hormones are released for his emotional well-
being. With his blood pumping, he will feel invigorated.
DON’T distance yourself from the unemployed family before they move away. Don’t
say, “They may not be here anyway in a few months, why ask them to….”
DO stay connected to them.
The loss of an individual’s job affects every person whose life he touches, whether in a
personal relationship or on a committee. It is hard for all to accept that a move may be
inevitable in order to find employment. As a way to protect from the inevitable pain of
losing the relationship, friends may begin to detach from the unemployed family simply
in the anticipation of a move.
Pulling away comes in different forms – less frequent phone calls, more superficial
conversations, not including them in social gatherings, not utilizing their abilities at church
or in the community. Emotional distance adds to his feelings of rejection and
abandonment. Not only is he feeling these from his workplace, but now he may also be
feeling them in his personal relationships. Be different from the others in his life. Instead
of responding to him from your heartache, focus on what is most helpful for your
friend. Look for opportunities to reaffirm your connection and strengthen your bond.
Both of you will benefit.
DON’T give false hope. Don’t say, “You’ll have something better.”
DO remind him of God. Instill peace and confidence by saying, “God will always be
with you” and “God will always provide for you.”
There is no guarantee of a better job, a better home, a better boss. Be careful to not
raise expectation for something you have no assurance of. No one, except God, can
guarantee the future. God’s character, as revealed in the Bible, is sure and unchanging.
He guarantees that He will keep His promises to His children.
Will you stand with God close to your friend?
___________________________________
The following books relate to the issues experienced by someone who lost a job.
They are available through your Christian bookstore.
When God Doesn’t Make Sense by James Dobson, published by Tyndale House
Publishers, 1993.
This is a practical book for those going through a difficult time such as disease, divorce,
rejection, death, or sorrow. Experiences such as these are hard to understand and
seem unfair especially when one is trying to serve God. The author Dr. James
Dobson, a Christian psychologist and family counselor, writes this book for those who
feel that God has abandoned them.
The Survivor’s Guide to Unemployment by Tom Morton published by
NavPress/Pinion Press, 1992 (out of print in 1995).
The author of this book was unemployed for seventeen months. His advice is credible
and his practical tips are proven. He relates unemployment to a roller coaster of
emotions, relational difficulties, and financial crises. The book deals with many issues,
including how to survive the initial crisis, maintain personal dignity, deal with family and
friends, assess and manage your finances so you don’t go under, file for unemployment
benefits, obtain other means of income, constructively use your newest asset of time,
avoid destructive personal temptations and employment scams, effectively prepare for
the job search. In the words of the author, ‘You have little control over the fact that
you are unemployed; but you have a great deal of control over how you will handle it.’
This book will help the unemployed not only survive, but more importantly, triumph.
Constance B. Fink was raised as the pastor’s daughter of a large metropolitan
church in New Jersey. She has a degree in psychology from The King’s College in
New York, and has worked at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, and in the Counseling
Center at Bradley University. She has also been director of Christian education, church
secretary, church librarian, and coordinator of several women’s programs. Married for
twenty years, she and her husband are currently members of a quiet community and
rural church in northwest Illinois. Her articles have appeared in Bible Advocate’s Now
What magazine, Voice Magazine, Charisma, New Wineskins, Rest Ministries
Newsletter, and local newspapers. Email Constance B. Fink
back to Hope Stories
by Constance B. Fink © 2002
Unemployment affects everyone one way or another. Even though you may not have
personally heard the words “Your services are no longer needed” or “The company is
downsizing” or “You’re fired,” you know someone who has heard them. It may be
your spouse, your son or daughter, your parent. It may be your neighbor, someone in
your church, your friend, or your co-worker in the next cubicle.
The impact of one pink slip reaches far beyond the individual. The spouse, who has not
been involved in the working world and its ever-changing skills, may feel unprepared to
look for a job. Children may be required to compromise activities or other things due
to budget constraints. Friends from the workplace feel emptiness because a daily
relationship has been abruptly snatched away. The church and neighborhood wonder if
the family will have to move to take another job.
Unexpected job loss. In many ways, it is like coping with death. Similar emotions are
experienced—shock, anger, sadness, guilt, grief. The jobless person may feel betrayed
or abandoned by his employer and everyone else, including God. An experience like
this – a time of loss and transition – is a vulnerable time. Your friend will remember
who stood near and who turned away. What are some ways to show you care? How
can you show that you have not rejected him and will not abandon him? What do you
say? What should you not say? The following observations are based on my
personal experience from a two-year period of my husband’s unemployment.
DON’T keep asking, “Have you found anything yet?”
DO engage him in conversation about other areas of his life – his hobbies, interests,
and relationships.
When dealing with a major loss, it is easy to withdraw from everything and everyone. It
is true that, in losing one’s job, a big part of life abruptly stopped. One must allow time
to grieve. However, when one area of life is lost, the other areas play an important role
in keeping one motivated and energized. Look for opportunities to help him keep
connected to the other areas of his life.
DON’T forget the spouse of the person who lost the job. Don’t keep asking the
wife, “How is your husband doing?”
DO give opportunity for the wife to express how she is feeling. Give her time apart
from her spouse. Take her out for lunch. Invite her over to your house for coffee.
Encourage her to share her personal fears, concerns, and needs.
Oftentimes the details of adjusting to unemployment (insurance options, unemployment
benefits, financial adjustment) and looking for a new job (searches, phone calls,
resumes, interviews) consume much of the couple’s conversation and time. As
opportunities open and close, the accompanying emotions of hope and disappointment
feel like a roller coaster ride. The hope of a possibility, then the let down when it does
work out. Trying to remain emotionally stable and spiritually focused are additional
stresses not only on the individual but also on the marriage. It is important for each to
have an encourager, a sounding board, someone to walk with them to help regain their
perspective as needed. Individual expression is vital for the health of the marriage.
Look for ways to provide opportunities for expression.
DON’T give advice. Don’t say, “You may have to take just any job. Anything would
be better than nothing.”
DO give encouragement. Remind them of their strengths and their contribution to
your life.
The jobless person has a measure of shame and embarrassment. Be careful not to rub
salt in an already painful wound. Think before you speak and check your comments to
be sure they are not laden with guilt or humiliation. Even though your motive may be to
prompt ideas for options, insensitive advice often adds pain. And, as a result, as a way
of protection, the unemployed person will begin to share less with you. Instead, keep
the door of communication open. Unless he asks you for advice, don’t give it. Give him
time to reassess his strengths, abilities, and skills. This unexpected turn in his life may
be part of God’s plan to redirect him. It is hard to see your friend struggle through a
situation like this. Naturally, you want to do all you can to get him through it as quickly
as possible. But be patient with him and with God.
DON’T push him. Don’t force him to be where you think he should be or to do what
you think he should be doing. Don’t say, “I’ll pick you up at 8:00 tomorrow morning to
drive you to the unemployment office.”
DO offer support. “I am praying about your job interview next week. If you would
like someone to go with you, I am willing to tag along.”
Each person deals with the loss of a job in different ways, depending on their
backgrounds, their emotional foundation, spiritual perspective, physical health, and
other stressors occurring in their life at the time of the job loss. Be very careful not to
expect him to respond the way you would, or did, in a similar situation. Rather, meet
him where he is and walk with him on his path.
DON’T expect the unemployed to accept invitations where he will need to spend
money.
DO include him and treat him.
Unemployment often causes a person to become very practical, only buying
necessities. Small things, once enjoyed regularly and possibly taken for granted, are
now special treats – ice cream, a movie, out to eat, a batch of homemade cookies, or
pizza delivered to their home. Look for opportunities to give something simply for
enjoyment.
DON’T think that all his time must be spent looking for a job.
DO encourage him to play.
Sometimes the unemployed person feels guilty if he takes time to play. He may think
that each minute away from the job search is lost time. But, on the contrary, time away,
especially a physical activity in the fresh air and sunlight, is healthy not only for the body
but for the mind and heart. Invite him on bike rides and walks. Offer to help him with
yard work. In physical exercise, specific hormones are released for his emotional well-
being. With his blood pumping, he will feel invigorated.
DON’T distance yourself from the unemployed family before they move away. Don’t
say, “They may not be here anyway in a few months, why ask them to….”
DO stay connected to them.
The loss of an individual’s job affects every person whose life he touches, whether in a
personal relationship or on a committee. It is hard for all to accept that a move may be
inevitable in order to find employment. As a way to protect from the inevitable pain of
losing the relationship, friends may begin to detach from the unemployed family simply
in the anticipation of a move.
Pulling away comes in different forms – less frequent phone calls, more superficial
conversations, not including them in social gatherings, not utilizing their abilities at church
or in the community. Emotional distance adds to his feelings of rejection and
abandonment. Not only is he feeling these from his workplace, but now he may also be
feeling them in his personal relationships. Be different from the others in his life. Instead
of responding to him from your heartache, focus on what is most helpful for your
friend. Look for opportunities to reaffirm your connection and strengthen your bond.
Both of you will benefit.
DON’T give false hope. Don’t say, “You’ll have something better.”
DO remind him of God. Instill peace and confidence by saying, “God will always be
with you” and “God will always provide for you.”
There is no guarantee of a better job, a better home, a better boss. Be careful to not
raise expectation for something you have no assurance of. No one, except God, can
guarantee the future. God’s character, as revealed in the Bible, is sure and unchanging.
He guarantees that He will keep His promises to His children.
Will you stand with God close to your friend?
___________________________________
The following books relate to the issues experienced by someone who lost a job.
They are available through your Christian bookstore.
When God Doesn’t Make Sense by James Dobson, published by Tyndale House
Publishers, 1993.
This is a practical book for those going through a difficult time such as disease, divorce,
rejection, death, or sorrow. Experiences such as these are hard to understand and
seem unfair especially when one is trying to serve God. The author Dr. James
Dobson, a Christian psychologist and family counselor, writes this book for those who
feel that God has abandoned them.
The Survivor’s Guide to Unemployment by Tom Morton published by
NavPress/Pinion Press, 1992 (out of print in 1995).
The author of this book was unemployed for seventeen months. His advice is credible
and his practical tips are proven. He relates unemployment to a roller coaster of
emotions, relational difficulties, and financial crises. The book deals with many issues,
including how to survive the initial crisis, maintain personal dignity, deal with family and
friends, assess and manage your finances so you don’t go under, file for unemployment
benefits, obtain other means of income, constructively use your newest asset of time,
avoid destructive personal temptations and employment scams, effectively prepare for
the job search. In the words of the author, ‘You have little control over the fact that
you are unemployed; but you have a great deal of control over how you will handle it.’
This book will help the unemployed not only survive, but more importantly, triumph.
Constance B. Fink was raised as the pastor’s daughter of a large metropolitan
church in New Jersey. She has a degree in psychology from The King’s College in
New York, and has worked at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, and in the Counseling
Center at Bradley University. She has also been director of Christian education, church
secretary, church librarian, and coordinator of several women’s programs. Married for
twenty years, she and her husband are currently members of a quiet community and
rural church in northwest Illinois. Her articles have appeared in Bible Advocate’s Now
What magazine, Voice Magazine, Charisma, New Wineskins, Rest Ministries
Newsletter, and local newspapers. Email Constance B. Fink
back to Hope Stories
© 2004 Dave and Merry Marinello, all rights reserved.
Welcome! Thanks for visiting our little "harbor" amid life's storms. We hope you
will find rest and encouragement in your struggles, big or small. Here you can:
will find rest and encouragement in your struggles, big or small. Here you can:
Encouraging the Unemployed
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Hope is My Anchor
Strength for your soul amid life's storms
Strength for your soul amid life's storms